Intolerable Cruelty
by Ron Weasley
Summary: The tale must be told. The tale of Kaoru's cooking. Kenshin and Sano get their insurance.


Disclaimers: I do not own Rk.

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Intolerable Cruelty

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Kenshin twitched and he instinctively reached for his sword. However, upon looking at his opponent, he realised that even his sakabatou stood no chance and all he could do was sit and scrutinise his opponent.

It was Kaoru-dono's mystery lunch.

Kenshin looked at the heap of God knows what Kaoru had just placed in front of him and back at her retreating figure. She had gone back for more. _Instead of the food, sessha could look at something nicer, like Kaoru-dono's bottom _thinks Kenshin, but a whiff of the mystery meal drags him out of it.

Kenshin being the extremely nice, cheerful and ever positive Rurouni that he was smiled to himself, thinking that they were all very lucky to have someone as hard working and generous as Kaoru-dono who slogs like crap in the Kitchen daily to make them something she, despite numerous arguments, debates, tantrums and injuries, still likes to call food.

He thinks of her benevolence with a mixture of gratitude and distress. Bits of dirt and dead leaves blow past and tangle in his lovely red locks.

_Thank you God for the food we have and God please help my stomach not to rot._

Sanzo slides the screen door open, catches a whiff and makes no effort to seem grateful. He twitches convulsively then drops dead.

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!'shrieks Yahiko who throws himself gleefully at the table, blissfully unaware of the potential danger that was to be his lunch.

_God PLEASE HELP MY STOMACH NOT TO ROT.PLEASE!PLEASE!I'M BEGGING YOU! _Kenshin desperately sends his distress signal to the Gods above.

* * *

Saitoh sits in a room with a screen reflecting Kenshin in all angles. He fumbles as he feels for the remote and hit the pause button. Battousai was conveying a message to God...Desperately. Comprehension ultimately dawned.

'Battousai will be defeated with food' Smirked the man who quickly regained his posture.

The wolf of Mibu was a man of composure who never excites at anything but maybe his wife. Maybe.

* * *

'Dig in!'

_Digging my grave? Yes I certainly am._

Kaoru smiled enthusiastically.

Nobody felt particularly inclined to respond.

She looked around and her eyes rested on Yahiko who seemed to have fallen ill.

'I think I've got the measles...' mumbled Yahiko as pathetically as he could and under the table, unknown to Kaoru, started frantically pinching himself all over.

'Look...I'm DYING!'

He screeches dramatically and knocks a few plates over for good measure. Sano, Megumi and Kenshin scramble over to Yahiko.

'What happened?'

'Does it hurt?'

'I'll take you to a doctor!' offered Sano enthusiastically.

'Oh! This is too weird!' Yahiko manages before fainting.

'No, no, no... I'll go..' Kaoru sighed. 'You guys stay here and eat, he just needs some rest.'

She dragged Yahiko out of the door unceremoniously and they all resumed staring at their food miserably.

Then, as if God had answered Kenshin's prayers, Megumi ordered Kenshin to fetch the little girls home.

'YAY!No lunch!' cried Suzume and Ayame happily.

''Oro?' _Does this mean...No Dinner?...Insurance right away, sessha better be safe than sorry_.

He carried both girls and hurried out.

Not needing any prompting, Sano tagged along.

'I want to buy my insurance too…AND YOU'RE NOT STOPPING ME!' Sano waves a finger angrily at Megumi.

* * *

So they went, to Saitoh's Insurance Company.

'SESSHA WANTS MY BLOODY INSURANCE!'

'ME TOO!'

'HURRY UP DAMN IT!'

* * *

Back at the Kamiya Dojo, both Kaoru and Megumi quickly empty the food into a bag and throw it at some random old man.

'Young people these days...' Random old man wheezes and shakes a warning finger.

'Have you taken your medicine, Sasuke?' Yells a woman.

'Coming!...Young people these days...' Sasuke shakes his head in disgust.

Kaoru and Megumi order Pizza, sake and a lot of milkshake and invite Sasuke over to share their joy. Soon, all the crotchety old geezers were gathered at the Kamiya dojo bouncing and dancing to their hearts content.

'Men are stupid!' Megumi hollers over the great amount of cracking.

'No! Young Men are stupid!' everyone says in unison.

Everybody laughs happily.

They threw some heck of a party and lots of other random old men came and they danced and shook their booty till they cracked but they sure were merry!

Too bad for Sano, Kenshin and Yahiko who were out buying insurance or sleeping like a baby when it all happened.

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END!

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This is a pointless and plot less fic and a waste of everybody's time. But I simply had to do it.


End file.
